Because this blog isn’t already enough about describing the ways my body fails me:

My problems with vitamins and supplements only began with getting pills stuck in my esophagus. When I was in college, mom was encouraging me to take cayenne pepper. I was supposed to take it at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Common sense should have said that was quite enough, but one day I lost track of how many I’d taken and reckoned I’d take my daily dose all at once, then I went with some friends to a comedy club. I didn’t think much about the fact I was sweating when we got there, but then about halfway through the show, something was really wrong. My anus was on fire. I excused myself once, twice, three times (a lady!); I couldn’t put the fire out. It smoldered all the way home.

Another day, alone in my efficiency apartment in Iowa City, I poured a large glass of orange juice and with it took a handful of pills, Vitamin C, B-Complex, probably a multivitamin, maybe even cayenne again. Without bothering to eat breakfast, I went about my usual morning routine—then, much as it is now: check email, read the Internet—but suddenly, I felt queasy. I laid down on my bed. Ten minutes later, I sprinted to the loo to kneel over the toilet and barf out my guts.

Each time it happened, I stopped taking the pills until the memory of why I stopped taking them, like a newspaper left in the car, faded. Eventually, I would remark that my diet supplies me too little iron or omega-3 fatty acids; that my risk for osteoporosis is so great that I’d be a fool not to take calcium every day; that if I took a handful of creatine every day, I would soon be the one the ladeez wanted to party with; that if I ingested a little beta carotene every morning, I would see better at night. Such reasons were compelling enough to get me back, two months ago, and I’ve been faithful to the pills ever since. I think I even see better at night!

Yesterday morning, however, scuttled it. In a nightmare that was eerily reminiscent of my orange juice misadventure, I swallowed my multivitamin, 500 mg of zinc and 600 mg of Vitamin C. I ate a bowl of cereal. I read the newspaper. Then, my stomach tightened into a knot. There was no slack. I lay down on our purple futon and drew myself into a ball. That worked for a while, until I saw that the floor wasn’t so very far away, and I balled myself up on it. Eventually the knot loosened, and I got up, but I made it only as far as the toilet; later, I climbed into bed, called in late, and took an hour-long nap. By 9:45, I was mostly recovered, and I went to work.

I admit it was difficult to work after that.

Comments