Yo, yo, y’all! It’s a brand new year! The holidays are over! Here are the things I got for Christmas:
- A new beard!
- Renewed disgust for the Christmas spirit!
- Stupid with age!
- A UNESCO City of Literature!
- To watch my cousin’s Facebook marriage collapse!1
- Cookies!
- Music!
- Pants!
- Pillows!
1 This was as shocking as if I had stuck a fork in a power outlet. We saw her at a wedding in August, while he was deployed to Iraq. She was an unabashed flirt, snuggling up to other cousins in their own troubled marriages. Meanwhile, he was complaining about his deployment (as every soldier does), saying that he missed her and so forth. Nevertheless, as time passed and his redeployment home got closer, her status messages were increasingly about his return; on the other hand, his messages were cryptic exclamations about lies: “D—— is being lied to and know it,” followed soon after by “D—— is trying to figure out how sum1 so close, can lie about sumthin so serious.” I asked mom about it, and she said, “things are never bad between those two. It’s always their families!” Family members would try to assuage him. (Mom has become particularly bad about doling pithy public advice.) But just before Christmas, he came home, and “extremley disapointed. Super depressed.” Neither of them showed up for the family Christmas party. My grandmother pleaded with him on his Wall, “COME SEE US,” but nothing. The status messages became increasingly distraught, then on New Year’s Eve, “T—— is wishing I could spend this new years with D——,” and later, “T—— is wishing i had made better decisions and wasn’t losing everything.” My uncle implored at both of them to explain what was going on, bitching “we will eventually get the story, distorted, embilished, and 9/10ths full of shit, but we will hear something.” But he was too late. A few minutes ago, Facebook told me that they “ended their relationship.”
Whether it’s all over all over, I dunno. I don’t know either of them well, so perhaps he’s a drama queen and will run back to her soon. But Facebook sure is a fascinating place to watch it all unfold.
Something’s going down. Today: “D—— is listed as married.”
by greg—Jan 4, 04:05 PM
c it´s an xmas miracle, so get some of that spirit of xmas back in your heart…
by jeremy—Jan 4, 09:49 PM
…but for how long? (plays sinister music)
by JH—Jan 4, 11:40 PM
JH gets it exactly right!
by greg—Jan 5, 10:46 AM
I finally got details, and J’s “Christmas miracle” is a sham! She cheated on him, which, he says, took him completely by surprise,, and despite the fb niceties, he is in no mood to reconcile.
“Nobody could see this comin,” he said, which isn’t entirely true since K saw it way back in August (though now I kinda regret leaving that part out of that post, for the simple fact that it would be hard proof of the prediction). But it is clear that he didn’t see it coming, which is a much bigger tragedy than K’s prescience is a success.
by greg—Jan 6, 08:54 AM
Hmm, I think you actually linked to a different imperiled marriage in the family…
by kl—Jan 6, 09:09 AM
True. Like I said, I didn’t include the relevant anecdote in that post. But, drunk as she was, T—— was shamelessly flirting with the other half of that imperiled marriage.
by greg—Jan 6, 09:14 AM
I’m guessing these are all young people, like under 25?
by JH—Jan 6, 11:52 AM
Yeah.
by greg—Jan 6, 11:53 AM