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Fast-Forward for Titties

When I became aware of sex, well before I learned how to masturbate, my first access to naked women was the Penthouse magazines that mom’s boyfriend’s teenage son kept on his nightstand. Soon enough, however, I discovered that the boyfriend had HBO and that movies with breasts would come on late Friday night while they were out clubbing in Little Rock. But that was nothing compared to the movies he had on VHS. My Tutor, Private School, Revenge of the Nerds: each had plenty to keep me happy. But I was always apprehensive about watching the boyfriend’s movies. There was always the chance that he and mom would come back, and I didn’t want them to see what I was doing. Then I discovered my uncle’s VHS collection from his days pressing “Record” for hours on end on HBO and Cinemax. Those tapes I could borrow, and on the days when mom was away, I’d put in tape after tape after tape, sometimes watching, but often simply fast-forwarding for titties.

 

Comments

Ha, I remember those days.

It blew my mind when the Cinemax tapes included 30 mins of late night (when they showed the soft core B-movies) tacked onto the end (presumably because no one pressed “Stop”). I lived for that.

That’s why they called it “Skinemax.”

A conversation K & I had earlier:

“I can’t believe you published a post titled ‘Fast-Forward for Titties.’”

“But the title’s the reason I wrote it!”

“It’s in such poor taste. Look: nobody commented; that means they all know better.”

“It’s not my fault if the commentariat is full of prudes.”

Well, when I was in high school, a friend of mine and I once decided to see if we could find a copy of Playgirl in IC. I think we hit eight or ten convenience stores before we found one (and then we though, “Sheesh, no wonder no one carries this!”).

Is there a nonliterary porn for women (e.g., skin mags) that women like?

I knew you hadn’t gotten my Christmas present yet!

If I may rudely interject myself into this marital strife, I thought the post, both title and content, was awesome.