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Tom has apologized to Brooke Shields for dissing her postpartum depression antidepressants. She described the apology on the Tonight Show:

[He] came over to my house, and he gave me a heartfelt apology. And he apologized for bringing me into the whole thing and for everything that happened.

I keep thinking about that moment when she her Honduran nanny opened the door to see Tom standing there, flowers in hand, with a sheepish grin. “Ms. Shields,” the nanny shouted, “It is Mr. Cruise at the door!”

“What does he want?”

“He says he wants to apologize!”

“Will he promise not to jump on the furniture?”

Tom then, dutifully, walked in to explain how badly he felt. The whole plays in my head as a fantasy in Tom’s mind designed to relive his adolescence.

Everyone that I’ve seen has been linking the apology to Tom’s recent dumping by Paramount, which made the specious claim that the dissing of antidepressants cost the studio millions of dollars. The connection’s a little much, I think, but no less than my own personal theory that Katie’s come down with her own case of the baby blues. If that is the case, fortunately for her, the scientologists are readying a new program, Super Power, for just this sort of thing. Super Power helps scientologists experience all of the 57 “perceptics” possible and

uses machines, apparatus and specially designed rooms to exercise and enhance a person’s so-called perceptics. Those machines include an antigravity simulator and a gyroscope-like apparatus that spins a person around while blindfolded to improve perception of compass direction….

A video screen that moves forward and backward while flashing images is used to hone a viewer’s ability to identify subliminal messages.

If Katie is depressed, I’m certain Tom will agree, flashing lights and antigravity are the best sources of healing available to her, and he will spare no expense (and will have to pay dearly) to get her the Super Power treatment she needs.

For more on Super Power, see Kieran Healy at CT. and the Laist speculates there’s a Super Power connection to Tom’s new production company—pure gossip, sure, but where Tom/scientology is concerned, what isn’t?



That’s bizarre, but I’ve heard preachers say over and over again that the secret to a happy life, marriage, etc. is turning your life over to Jesus. I’ve heard similar rhetoric, with the appropriate exchange of symbols, from Muslim teachers. The only thing that makes the scientology bit strange is the absence of tradition. At the end of the day, no one really knows what the hell they’re doing.

That, and the machines. Tom bought an ultrasound machine because he wanted to vibrate the baby with ultrasonic frequencies. Scientologists love machines.

But what insane uses for machines would the priests and wise men of ancient times devise, if they but had them?

They most certainly would have devised machines to project song lyrics and flowcharts onto the walls, and concurrently, they would have invented a flashlight whose light did not diffuse, that they might emphasize their points more emphatically.

The lengths you will go to mention this certain highly concentrated light source of yours has surpassed all bounds of decency.

(I’ve been hanging out in a medieaval castle all day.)

And you call me indecent. I thought you went to school in a medieval castle so you would feel it unnecessary to hang out in any others?

Oh. That castle.

Get this: Bucking the popular belief that Tom’s gayness broke up Tom and Nicole, some “Nicole Kidman biographer” is saying that Kubrick did it.

Vanity Fair: Katie tells it like it is:

It’s really frustrating the amount of shit that’s out there. And the stuff they say about Suri?! You shouldn’t say that about us, and you can’t say that about my child.

Holmes explains that the gossip “eats away at me because it’s just not O.K.,” but that she keeps up on it because “this is my future. This is my family, and I care so much about them. To see how someone as caring and good as Tom is—to see how things can just get so twisted and turned around. I mean, where does it come from?”

Wait, isn’t the “Kubrick comes between Tom and Nicole” connection old news? I remember hearing these rumors back in the waning days of the last century when certain undergrads were reveling in “sacrilege nights” not far from the hallowed halls of our alma mater. At any rate, I suspect the spectre of Kubrick is haunting more minds than that of Nicole Kidman. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be surprised if the actual spirit of L. Ron Hubbard were in possession of Tom Cruise’s body.

Yes, I vaguely remember that part about Kubrick coming between them, too. But as soon as it’s written in a new book, it’s new news, so to speak, so long as the PR department is savvy enough to cast it as such.

I dream of Tom being L. Ron’s dianetics champion. I’d totally root for Xenu to win that fight.

Of course that begs the question: who or what would Tom Cruise have to fight to allow you root for him?

I’d root for Tom if he fought:

1. Nancy Grace
2. The Teletubbies
3. Justin Timberlake


holy cow!

look what tumble-weed the cyber-winds just blew through our door.

how was england man? how were the tea and crumpets… i do hope you never turned down the opportunity for clotted cream

Haha. Glad to see you boys missed me. England is, indeed, a magical place. A garden of delights, even.

I had a lot of fun, but am glad to be back in Chicago for a while. Sorry about the prolonged cyber-absence. Alas, they wouldn’t let me blog at work.

I’m happy to see I got back just in time to read about our dear friend Tom (and also to read about some youthful indiscretions).

So I’ve been racking my brain to come up with someone or something I’d like to see Tom win a fight against. Nothing. I thought S’s Teletubbies a good one at first, then I imagined Po and Lala beating him down, and a wave of euphoria washed over me. Moreover, I realize as I say that, I don’t say it out of any hatred. Just that there’s no one I would like to see get beat up more.

That’s one of the things that made M:I3 such a bad movie. Not only must you watch Tom triumph, but triumph over Phillip Seymour Hoffman.


i mean, i realize that he’s pretty bad… but not as bad as this pic

You Tom Jones should be banned for that.

Thing is, though,

Bizarre. That’s the same picture of Tom Jones I took into my local tanning salon. “I want to look like this,” I said. “No problem, we’ll just need to order some more Crisco” said the very nice girl behind the cash register.

You see, I have to recover from a sunless summer in London.

did you also ask them to procure the shag (carpet) for your pecs and six pack… or are you naturally that hirsute?

i do, though, like the leather/skin/twill canvass (or is that silk or linen?)

the tan, the hair, the textures of the clothes! it screams either right said fred or rod stewart in tights

I think “Rod Stewart” is synonymous for “Rod Stewart in tights.”

Sadly, having Czech mother and a German father, I’m blonde haired, blue eyed, and lacking in manly chest hair. The tan I can do. The hair, sadly, I must glue to myself. Err…um…Not that I’ve ever done that.

you mean you don’t think of these two rods?

and this rod

which, it looks, scott, you are in good company with the stew man

yeah, it’s a little disturbing. i see a picture of the young rod stewart and have to do a double take. is it me? no, it is he (whew).

You got me. “Rod Stewart” is no longer synonymous with “Rod Stewart in tights.”

He Has HOT LEGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is He Sexy or what????????????
Rod is my favorite singer!!!!!