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Behind the Broken Door

Pictured below is a broken door to our house. Given all you have learned about our domestic space these past six months, can you deduce how it was broken? Points will be awarded for accuracy, for creativity, and for a synthesis of the two. New readers are encouraged to weigh in as well!1

Broken door.

1 Baffled where to begin? Hint, hint, hint, and hint, among others!



a pine needle that lodged in your wedding picture hanging on the wall on the other side of the door. (i have not read the hints)

I shall not fall for this transparent attempt to get people to read more of your posts. Actually, I’m just not smart enough to figure it out.

so, if it’s not a pine needle that did a shot to the heart of your wedding portrait…

you’ve been visited by marauding theives who took your t.v. and were hoping to get cable with it.

little did they know, you’ve been off cable for several months and your t.v. isn’t hooked up anymore…. wahahahahahahaha wahaha

It’s all about self-promotion, JH. Why else do you think I’ve been writing exclusively about the homestead?

J: 1/2 point for the pine needle, for creativity, 1/2 for the TV story, although you haven’t yet explained how the needle got lodged in the portrait. No points for accuracy, however, for reasons the comments here should make obvious.

whaddaya mean… everyone who grew up where the south meets the tornado corridor knows that hurricanes can puncture telephone poles with pine needles due to the force of their winds!

Could you have been anymore vague that you were talking tornado? :)

we know it’s not the drop in pressure… myth #4

but, it could’ve been the 100 lbs+ pressure per square inch on the window panes.

but, i will now let other people guess.

next hint: this door does not necessarily provide entrance to our apartment…

one more try then…

it was an irate landlady who kicked the door in rage when greg spilled the beans regarding the ceiling to the insurance people.

greg says one whole point for creativity and one half-point for accuracy! ( kicking ...getting warmer!)

The pitbull owners, angry at having been evicted, have vandalized their former abode.

Accuracy point to JH! For whom, not for why.

Further hint: the final story will also answer when.

does it involve eviction or locks having been changed?

No: although the eviction notice was served Wednesday, eviction proper in the presence of the sheriff will not happen ‘til Monday. (Potential drama there: landlady was over today to encourage them to move tomorrow; however so far, no stirring below. I wish, wish, wish I did not have to work Monday!)

Does this have anything to do with booze?

Yes. No points, however, until framed in the form of a narrative! :)

The pitbull owners, drunken and riveted by something on television, became enraged when their cable/power was cut off for non-payment of bills.

they, drunk, filled the pittbull’s water dish with vodka… either thinking it would be funny to see a drunk dog (and they are indeed abusive pet owners who should be denounced before the aspca) or they were so blind drunk on their cheap Popov vodka they inadvertantly tipped it over and filled the dish (in which case they are just plain stupid-assed drunks who shouldn’t own a dog). this, though it made them mad enough to kick the door in, because they had spent all day filtering it to make it taste like grey-goose or stoly, is not the reason the door was kicked in. in fact, it wasn’t the owners who kicked the door down, though this is the story they tell. they purport that in their drunken stupor they thought they had locked themselves outside of the house, despite clearly being inside, and kicked the door down to get inside and sleep off the potato-juice stupor in which they fumbled and stumbled. in reality, it was the poor dog, drunk on vodka and howling at invisible rabbits, that leapt through the door in an attempt to protect its negligent owners from the vicious pitbull (yeah, it’s aware of the rep pittbulls have) it saw reflected in the glass.

yes! we have a winner!

Indeed, it’s a tie! JH wins for guessing most of the particulars; J, for making it a much better story than it actually is:

At 2 o’clock Thursday morning, we were awakened because Pit-Bull owner was stumbling up to the porch, shouting at her cell phone (using the speakerphone, so we could actually hear the other person, as well). She banged on the door. Bang! Bang! She shouted to her roommate, who has (so far as we can tell) been out of town for most of the week. The dog barked. Bark! Bark! “I can’t find my f—ing keys! A—, OPEN THE F—ING DOOR!” Bang! Crash! Thud. The dog stopped barking. Quickly, the cell phone conversation resumed, loudly, for twenty minutes; then she left to return, with someone else, ten minutes later. Finally, at about 2.45, all died down to quiet.

But J’s story is much more interesting.

yes, i was more than happy to adopt J’s version of the event as our own. oh well. the truth must win out, i guess.

greg forgot to say that the huge racket of the door-breaking episode suggested that ms. pit bull may have fallen into the house as the door broke apart—a possiblity that swells the heart with joy, i must say.

Eviction watch:

They’re moving out tonight, overnight, which means they’re banging around and shouting at each other on the porch. Sigh. However, I gladly sacrifice this good night’s sleep, though, for the two quiet months ahead.


Can our landlady pick a winner? Goodbye, tenants below who party all night. Hello, roofer above who hammers until half-past midnight!


isn’t there a law that you cannot work past 8 or 9 p.m…. can’t you place an anonymous call to the po-po?

Last night may have been an aberration: he had the roof exposed, and there were storms a’coming. Still, his first night on the job he was here ‘til 10, so a call to the landlady will be made today to discuss this as well as the windows that are covered in plastic which we need to be uncovered if we’re to have any air when it gets hot this weekend…

We scream silently. 1 o’clock this morning, an unwelcome but familiar voice and step on the porch. We awoke us from sound sleep. “What? You’re kidding… ‘S it because I’m drunk or am I stupid?”

She was here long enough to give us both nightmares the rest of the night.

i was relieved to see this was not “behind the green door!” :-)

stoned-campbell disciple

So am I!

(Though you’re spot on: it is the right reference for the title…)