Hermits Rock

Go to content Go to navigation


It rocks that Martin met a girl, that they’re getting hitched in Spokane in December, and that they started a blog together, but I must reiterate that MRAN is freaky. Sure, I know there’s talk about unity in marriage at weddings. Lots of couples light unity candles. One sweaty day in St. Louis K and I joined hands, were dusted with sand and lime, sprinkled with water, and cemented for all of geologic time. But unity candles and cement? They’re symbols. After the show, the candle burns out. Lots of other couples Every other couple that survives survives just fine without the marriage itself taking on its own sentient reality and referring to itself in the singular.

Of course I can see some value to it. When you move in together for good and get really irritated because you can’t decide whose copy of Orientalism should be kept and whose should be sold on Amazon, MRAN could be the final judge; when AN, after a hard day’s work, comes home to find MR has burned dinner, MR can pass the blame to MRAN; when AN’s family complains because you’re visiting P—d for Christmas, you can explain that MRAN couldn’t afford another plane ticket. But that value would be fleeting. MRAN will become enamored of its power. Feeding MRAN with so much bad karma will cause others to suspect, to doubt that MRAN’s intentions are pure. Did you ever think what would happen if MRAN took over, like the Borg, infesting your individual souls, bowing your wills to its bidding?

I propose a compromise: let “Amy” and “Martin” write on the blog in addition to MRAN. MRAN will learn that human conjunction can take both a corporate singular and a first-person plural. MRAN will discover community. MRAN will be filled with love.



I think you’re just jealous that our initials can’t be put together and pronounced in such a way as to bring to mind a failed energy company (sorry, Marty):

MRAN = emron

GBKL = geebickle

Although if we were anagrammed, we’d be KBLG = kibbling.

Of course, by that logic Marty and Amy anagrammed would be RAMN = ramen.

Damn. Ramen’s still cooler than the participial form of to kibble.

Or it could be as simple as MRAN is the way the website is set up to refer to us for now. Even more fun would be to try to guess which half of MRAN is writing or responding. Rest assured that two people as headstrong and independent-minded as we are will not be relinquishing our respective individual identities any time soon. But I still think it’s fun to express our virtual unity in virtual space.

Oh, just for the record, the decision to avoid any “unity candle” business in the ceremony was one of our very first joint decisions.

Btw, I still regret missing the “cementing” back in the day. Even so, I still appreciate KLBG.

Oops, make that KLGB. You two should start up a radio station. And you’re almost GLBT... wouldn’t that be fun?!

See, I’ve been trying to figure out who’s who already. But because I unfortunately don’t know AN, I really can’t tell. I see MRAN comment, and I think: “That’s gotta be Marty.” I need context, see!

Do not regret missing the cementing. Blame us for your absence instead. It was a happy fluke that anyone other than our mothers and K’s sister showed. Your presence a month later at the party, however, was appreciated then and is cherished now.

The radio station idea’s intriguing. All the good ones are taken, already: KLGB-FM broadcasts from Enid, Oklahoma; KBLG-AM from Billings, Montana; KBGL-FM from Larned, Kansas; KLBG-FM from Glide, Oregon. All that’s left are KGLB and KGBL.

Congrats, MRAN. Very happy to hear your good news. All the best!

I too always thought unity candles were cheesy; I did not think, however, that they were so cheesy as to have begun (perhaps) on General Hospital.

There’s some other interesting stuff about UCs, by the way. Those things can be hella ugly.

Wisebals is definitely better than Orter, but not nearly as good as Filliam H. Muffman.

Hi Greg and Kathy. You can guess this author because I’ll leave my actual name. It’s nice to meet you, virtually, and to thank you for the words of wisdom from the years of your marital harmony and “cementedness.” It’s true MRAN has much to learn, particularly downloading from MRAN to MR and AN when we finally DO move in together. Hows about visiting us this time next year to check on our transferring process? MRAN cannot take no for an answer…resistance is futile.

And yes, the unity candle is out, but we haven’t thought of another symbolic act to represent MRAN. Maybe some model super glue? Any suggestions?

Amy, welcome! It will be good to meet you in person, perhaps even at your invite—though I must warn you, it’s notoriously difficult to budge me from home (to K’s frequent consternation). Meanwhile, I’m very happy for you and MR. Many blessings upon your heads!

It’s a curious question, the representation of unity sans cheesiness. For our parts, we were not told about the cementing beforehand; it was a surprise (there were many things that were a surprise about our hitchings, a function of how unplanned they were), and a function of the fact we were hitched by a minister in the church of karst. When you start searching for a good symbol, the symbol becomes as much about the metaphor that underlays it as anything, doesn’t it?

Idea: instead of exchanging vows, turn to each other and say, one after the other, “You will be assimilated into the collective.” :)